F Me Like You’re Off Your Meds: How To Deal With Low Libido & Antidepressants
It's time to get ~wildly~ creative.
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“Do you ever feel like, I don’t know, ‘overmedicated’?” Layla asks me over brunch at an overpriced “brasserie” in upstate New York. It’s day one of a girl’s trip, and we’re sucking down Sauvignon Blanc like it’s going out of style. (It will never go out of style).
I stab my burger with my fork. “Sometimes, no matter how sad something is, I can’t cry.”
Layla taps her acrylic nails against her wine glass. “I’m not talking about crying.”
I raise my brow.
“I’m talking about—” she wistfully gazes into her fries “Like, do you ever just feel like you’re not the insatiably horny bitch you once were?”
“YES.” This is why I worship a one-on-one trip with a good girlfriend. From the distance of a new city, the two of you are safe to gaze into the barrel of your lives without being so jarringly close to reality.
“It’s not that I feel ‘drugged’ or anything on my antidepressants. They work brilliantly, actually. Like I don’t wake up with a harrowing panic attack every morning like I used to. I feel more—”
I snag a fry off Layla’s plate and slam it into my mouth. “Yourself?” I ask, my mouth full.
Layla looks up at me. Her eyes glitter. “Yes!”
I swallow a sip of sauvignon. “I feel like Prozac has made me who I’m supposed to be. The person I am without the layers of sadness and crippling anxiety that hold me back from being my realest self.”
“Same! But what about the sex part? Being hyper-sexual is part of my identity. And lately, it’s like I don’t even care about it.” She sweeps her twenty-two-inch hair extensions to one side.
“Lucky for you, babe,” I say as I reach into my purse and smear gloss on my lips. “I’ve been on antidepressants for a decade. And I’m going to share some tools with you that have really helped me overcome my low-libido identity crisis and made me a hyper-sexual human again.”
Layla’s lips stretch into a smile. “Thank Lana Del Rey!” She hoots, clapping her hands. Her nails are red like cherries and shiny like vinyl.
I reach to refill her wine. The bottle is empty. “Waiter!” I cry. A man in a white button-down with a shock of orange hair that pops from the crown of his head like a flame rushes to our table. “Can we pretty please have some more wine, babe? My best friend and I are about to talk about how to increase your sex drive while medicated.” I stare at him with big Bambi eyes. “Just ‘cause you have depression doesn’t mean you should sacrifice your sex life, you know?” I bat my lashes like they're Venus flytraps.
He grins and nods his head. He gets it. Most people do. Over 20 million Americans are prescribed antidepressants every year.
“I’ll be right back with another bottle!” He says.
I spend the rest of the afternoon sharing my tips for reaching orgasmic bliss whilst remaining properly medicated.
1. Calm the F down.
Can we get super raw for a moment? Sad-girl to sad-girl?
There have been few things in my life more devastating than living with chronic depression and anxiety. In fact, depression and anxiety snatched away my life for far too many years, as is. I spent a good chunk of my early twenties paralyzed by sadness. Too laden with panic attacks to leave my apartment. Too empty to go after my dreams.
When I finally went on antidepressants I felt like I’d been living in darkness and curtains had opened and a flood of beautiful sunlight was suddenly pouring through the room. I was able to be a part of the world again. I got my life back.
If you’re on a medication that has transformed your life for the better, I would be very cautious to go off it due to a small sexual side effect.
Hard truth: The brain is wildly complicated. Finding a medication that actually works isn’t an easy feat. Before you mess around with the chemicals in your body and switch from one medication to the next or even worse—let your mental health fall by the wayside by going off your prescription entirely—calm down for a moment!
Take a breath.
Think of how far you’ve come. And remember: One of the side effects of a psychotropic medication being effective is thinking that you don’t need it anymore. It’s easy to forget how truly horrendous we felt before we were on medication because our baseline has changed.
Bottom line: Before you do anything rash like going off your medication, try some creative ways to enhance your libido. Starting with…
2. A vibrator is a vixen-vibe.
“What is the main reason people go off antidepressants?” I asked my shrink as I watched the sunset from the dirty window of his midtown office.
“Lack of libido.” He answered, shuffling through files.
“What is the main sex issue you observe among your clients?” I asked my dear friend, an esteemed sex coach.
She exhaled. “Honestly?”
“Duh.”
“So many of them say they’re struggling to reach orgasm on their antidepressants.”
“What is your main concern?” I asked my newly-medicated cousin over lunch.
“I can’t seem to orgasm during sex anymore.” She confessed.
And you know what I said to every single one of these wonderful people (shrink included)?
“HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ABOUT THE LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE OF A VIBRATOR!"
If you’re struggling to reach orgasm while on antidepressants, the first thing you should do is invest in a vibrator. There are so many different types of vibrators out there that it can feel extremely overwhelming. I get it. If you’re new to the magical world of vibes, I recommend starting with a small bullet vibrator. I like the MIA 2 by Lelo because it’s discreet (it looks like a tube of lipstick!), it has a sculpted tip for targeted pleasure and has six pleasure settings. You can use it to get down and dirty solo or simply press it against your clit during sex with your partner to elevate the orgasmic experience.
3. Erotica is stimulating to the body and mind.
Let me bestow upon you some of the most sage wisdom someone once gave me: The body wants what you give it.
Have you ever noticed that the more water you drink, the more your body craves water? On the contrary, the more soda you slurp the more your body longs for the toxins in soft drinks?
Same shit with sex, babe. As the experts of Cosmoplitan.com say: “When we hook up, we’re basically drinking a chemical cocktail that makes us want another round.”
Medicated or not, if you go an extended period of time without indulging your sexual prowess, the less you want sex. Which means it’s time to break the cycle and prioritize liberating your libido.
But how?
I’ll tell you what works for me: E-r-o-t-i-c-a. A woman’s largest sexual organ is her brain and something about the ~stimulation~ of activating my brain through the art of reading mixed with the visceral steam of a sex scene, really gets me going. I’m forced to use enough of my imagination to visualize the writing but am given just enough to rev up my horniness!
I completely recommend trying this ASAP. So go explore Amazon, read reviews, and purchase some erotica!
4. Audio Porn for the win.
Not a big reader? Not a fan of combing the internet for graphic porn clips specifically designed to suit the desires of straight men? I got you.
Let me introduce you to a wonderful phenomenon I’ve recently become obsessed with audio porn. It’s a whole new world with so much variety. You can listen to a hot voice read a sex scene or even get masturbation instructions. Women are turned on by mystery—and we can also get in our heads when we see the bevy of unrealistic-looking bodies in traditional porn—so audio porn is a great alternative. In fact, there’s an amazing app called Quinn Audio with heaps of gorgeously curated audio-porn, created exclusively for women!
5. Lube lubricates the libido.
I used to think that lube was only needed to combat vaginal dryness, which isn’t something I've experienced on a personal level.
It wasn’t until an ex insisted on using lube, that I realized that the gifts of a good lube are far more powerful than just wetness. Lube enhances sexual pleasure, it just does. It increases sensation! So get some healthy lube and play with yourself, babe.
And then give it to your sexual partner and have them play with you, lubricated. Lubricated and medicated? The world is your fucking oyster.
6. Spend an hour a day doing shiat that makes you feel hot.
Since being medicated I have to make an extra effort to stay wildly sexual, and to be honest — it’s fun. Making feeling hot and bothered a part of my daily routine has only made my life better. I mean I’m not telling you to spend an hour a day doing arithmetic! I’m telling you to spend an hour a day having sexy fun.
What is sexy fun?
For me, a huge part of tapping into my sexuality lives in the superficial. And I have zero shame about that. 'Cause when I feel externally hot, I feel internally hot. So even if I’m home alone, writing in solitude, I’ll smolder my eyes with sultry black eyeliner. I spritz a little fragrance across my cleavage. Paint my nails a sinful crimson.
Whatever makes you feel like the hottest version of yourself—whether it’s jeans and a T-shirt or a pair of towering heels—rock it.
You know what else is sexy fun? Masturbating. First thing in the morning. We’re such open vessels when we wake up and if the first moments of our day we’re absorbing sexual pleasure, that lust-ridden energy will bleed into the following twenty-four hours. There are even alarm clocks that wake you up to orgasm. I love those. I spent a whole month waking up to a mind-blowing orgasm!
You know what else is sexy fun? Sexting. Going out for a glass of wine on your own, sitting at the bar, and treating yourself to a glamorous date. Going to a sex shop and buying scandalous sex toys like handcuffs or kinky costumes, to add a refreshing layer of ~heat~ to your bedroom romps. If you’re single watch sex scenes in movies. Flirt for the sheer fun of it! Play around with a new look or eye-sex the hot bartender at your local pub.
In fact, my number one takeaway is this: play. Play with porn formats. Play with yourself. Play with your style and lingerie. Play with your makeup. Play with your fantasies.
Think of this medication-induced sex rut as a blessing. It’s forcing you to stretch outside of your comfort zone—and we all know that’s where the true magic of life lives.
You just might discover some delicious little kinks about yourself you would’ve never known existed. Get to know yourself better.
Because nothing in the world is more important than your relationship with yourself.
But don't you dare get close to yourself without opening yourself up to new things. So expose yourself to new sensations and strengthen your sexuality and your sense of identity.
Head to my website to book a free coaching consultation!