My dear Z, I just want to let you know that I'm wishing you all the absolute best in this 8 day trip you're going to do in the desert. This article is such a beautiful ode to the moments you spent with your brother in your last trip with him.
Grief is something so deep and difficult to express to people who have never been there, and so personal at the same time. We all react differently but in the end we are connected through it. Because the level of understanding of the situation is authentic. There is nothing like a shared lived experience. You can't fake it. It makes us feel less alone, more understood but it also makes people be able to meet you where you are. At another level. A deeper one. It also makes you want more authentic relationships based on real connections. We lack so much authenticity these days it's impressive. That's why "protect your fucking sparkle" speaks to my soul directly every single time.
I know how important it is for you to be able to go to the place you went to last time with your brother and your family. And I know it's going to be a very challenging and emotional experience this time as well. Z I am so sure your brother where he is now, he is still your biggest cheerleader and supporter. He might not be here anymore physically but he will always live in your heart. Your capacity to love is just something truly admirable and unique. I've rarely seen people capable to love the way you do Zara. I told you that once and it's just touches me so much because I GET IT.
I am deeply touched by this article and by each of the articles you have written in the last 8 years I've been following your work. You have such a way with words, you know exactly how to put all your emotions into your writing. It is so beautiful and special at the same time.
Each time I read a new article of yours I am amazed by your evolution. You have changed so much since 2016. And I am so going to keep following your work and your journey in life. I hope to be able to be 80 years old and say "I know Zara and she's an amazing human being and the bravest person I know".
Z, I don't express my emotions as easily as you do but it matters to me that you get to know that connecting with you and reading you has helped me and inspired me SO MUCH. You keep helping me so I can make my life better and I am glad to know you. I am truly thankful that I have been able to connect with someone so kind and caring like you ! That's why I want you to know what I think. I am always going to be here to support you. You are truly someone special in my life and I am with you in thought and spirit in this trip, always wishing you the best.
Have an amazing time in the desert Zara, I hope you find all the inspiration you need for the 2nd book and come back to us completely recharged ! A big hug from France ❤️
Thank you so much for this STUNNING KIND GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL comment! Made me cry. You are such a beautiful soul. It’s amazing to have someone know my work so deeply; makes it all worth it. Stay sparkly darling ✨✨✨✨
My dear Z, Thank you so much for this BEAUTIFUL response ! It means a lot to me to know that you feel recognized in your work because believe me your work is really good and you're an AMAZING person who deserves all the success in the world. I am lucky to know you and grateful because I know I can talk to know and not freak about being judged or anything like that. And trust me it is very difficult for me because I'm always nervous about being too much and the way I give myself to the world and to people in general. But you always have the right words for me and you always understand what other people go through. So yes I am glad we got to connect in this lifetime.
Zara, I hope you are having a lovely time in the desert ! I want to tell you that I am being strong right now and putting my head up high because of the last time we talked. You have no idea how much that conversation has helped me. How much positive influence you have in my life. I am struggling like hell fighting against my own programming. I did something totally opposite from what I am used to do. Instead of begging for crumbs I am totally ignoring people who are not willing to reciprocate and focusing in myself. I am not going to be the only one fighting to save a relationship. It is insanely difficult but I am not giving up on myself. I will choose myself no matter the amount of pain. Now I understand that these kind of relationships happen for a reason : healing. And I wanted to let you know that if today I am actually taking the time to look at myself in the mirror, look at my scars, cry and not begging anyone to stay in my life it's mainly because of your support and your work because you help others to actually face the struggle and be AUTHENTIC 100%. I have decided I am doing some cleaning in my closet and throwing all the stuff taking place in my heart and not allowing me to move forward.
I am choosing to PROTECT MY SPARKLE above all else.
So Z, your support has meant a lot. For real. Thank you for being there for me ! I hope these words go directly to your heart and that it makes your day better. I hope it gives you the motivation and energy to keep doing what you love the most which is connect with other people and I hope that your new book is the most amazing piece of art you've ever created ! I can't wait to read it and I know it will be incredible because you are pouring your soul into this new book and have been through so much that it will touch so many people all over the world and that's the whole point !
Enjoy your stay in the desert and come back completely recharged ! Hugs ❤️
This is only the second piece of yours I've read and it's just as fucking brilliant (and emotionally roller-coastery) as the first. You're an absolutely epic storyteller.
The love you and Blake share is something I feel so moved by. It's how people describe my sister and I, and now I finally understand what people mean when they enviously describe our relationship. I'll squeeze her a little tighter tomorrow because of you.
If you do see a jackrabbit this time, you know who sent it. 🙏🏼✨
Thank you for such a beautiful comment! Means SO much to me ❤️ I love the term “emotional roller-coastery” ❤️ THANK YOU FOR READING MY WORDS and I love to hear about other connected brother/sisters. We are the luckiest
This is really beautiful, Zara. As someone who knows the humbling, haunting, healing power of the desert, I understand exactly why you're going there (but for me it's either the AZ or NM desert).
Write your brother back to life, he sounds like someone I'd really have liked to have known. The world need more like him and the cruelty of his loss, especially for you is palpable.
Becomes inspired, go a little crazy and heal.
I know that you've been beaten up in so many ways over the last few months — but it really do miss you reading your pieces aloud...
Once I’m back I’m definitely going to be recording my pieces again! On better equipment too ❤️ thank you so much for reading and responding means so much! I’m really want to try to NM desert—any recommendations?!
Most of my experiences in the NM desert have been around Natives. Visits with my father (who wrote a ton of books about the subject) master potters in Pueblos, solo (and sometimes with a my ex wife or a girlfriend) out into Navajo country to just be blown away by the space and alien nature of what surrounds me. I’ve been fortunate enough to be invited to both Pueblo and Navajo ceremonies and they are an amazing experience, from the high costume and pageantry of a Kachina Ceremonial at Hopi or Zuni to the Navajo ranchers in their jeans and boots, feeding all comers with mutton that they raise while a singer makes a sand painting (while singing the whole time) that it of incredible beauty that will be swept away when it’s done.
Ghost stories by campfires about Navajo Witches/Skinwalkers (never told by Navajos because to them the words have power and telling those stories could actually draw the monsters to them).
Seeing opera in Santa Fe at the incredible open air opera house as the bats fly through and you can see forever beyond the stage…
The Southwestern AZ/NM desert is an impossible place to give recommendations for because it’s just mind-blowing in general.
In Arizona, there are great opportunities to see prehistoric Cliff Dwellings, Anazazi (which is a grab bag and literally in Navajo for “Enemy Ancestors), Hohokam, Mogollon and Mimbres (the really creepy ones) were all contemporaries of each other and each group held sway in different regions. Near Sedona there is Moctezuma’s Well/Cistern, a good sized cliff dwelling compound that you could actually go into and walk through the last time I was there. There are others. The town on Jerome, to the west of Sedona is pretty amazing, it’s an intact silver boom victorian town clinging to the side of Mingus Mountain that was found by hippies in the 1960s, restored and is now full of galleries, cafés, etc. It’s beautiful and worth a drive out there.
In NM, Bandolier is an incredible site that allows you to walk through the later remains of early puebloan culture as well as get very close to the actually cliff city itself — there is also a hiking trail (with cable/rails for safety) that allows you to climb to the Great Kiva at Bandolier. The view is incredible and, I would never do this but there is a ladder into the Kiva itself.
If you really want to immerse yourself, make a reservation with the Navajo Nation and drive out (with a capable 4WD vehicle) to Chaco Canyon. It contains ruins but the canyon itself is mind-blowing and beautiful, you’ve seen tons of photos from Chaco and you should definitely go there and get some for your self!
Wow. Just wow. That sounds absolutely unbelievable and I can’t thank you enough for these recommendations and sharing of experiences. I will probably be reaching out again and I’m absolutely even more LIT UP to continue exploring the desert!
You are a brilliant writer and storyteller.
You are so kind and I love you so much
So gorgeously written 🖤
Thank you so much!
My dear Z, I just want to let you know that I'm wishing you all the absolute best in this 8 day trip you're going to do in the desert. This article is such a beautiful ode to the moments you spent with your brother in your last trip with him.
Grief is something so deep and difficult to express to people who have never been there, and so personal at the same time. We all react differently but in the end we are connected through it. Because the level of understanding of the situation is authentic. There is nothing like a shared lived experience. You can't fake it. It makes us feel less alone, more understood but it also makes people be able to meet you where you are. At another level. A deeper one. It also makes you want more authentic relationships based on real connections. We lack so much authenticity these days it's impressive. That's why "protect your fucking sparkle" speaks to my soul directly every single time.
I know how important it is for you to be able to go to the place you went to last time with your brother and your family. And I know it's going to be a very challenging and emotional experience this time as well. Z I am so sure your brother where he is now, he is still your biggest cheerleader and supporter. He might not be here anymore physically but he will always live in your heart. Your capacity to love is just something truly admirable and unique. I've rarely seen people capable to love the way you do Zara. I told you that once and it's just touches me so much because I GET IT.
I am deeply touched by this article and by each of the articles you have written in the last 8 years I've been following your work. You have such a way with words, you know exactly how to put all your emotions into your writing. It is so beautiful and special at the same time.
Each time I read a new article of yours I am amazed by your evolution. You have changed so much since 2016. And I am so going to keep following your work and your journey in life. I hope to be able to be 80 years old and say "I know Zara and she's an amazing human being and the bravest person I know".
Z, I don't express my emotions as easily as you do but it matters to me that you get to know that connecting with you and reading you has helped me and inspired me SO MUCH. You keep helping me so I can make my life better and I am glad to know you. I am truly thankful that I have been able to connect with someone so kind and caring like you ! That's why I want you to know what I think. I am always going to be here to support you. You are truly someone special in my life and I am with you in thought and spirit in this trip, always wishing you the best.
Have an amazing time in the desert Zara, I hope you find all the inspiration you need for the 2nd book and come back to us completely recharged ! A big hug from France ❤️
Thank you so much for this STUNNING KIND GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL comment! Made me cry. You are such a beautiful soul. It’s amazing to have someone know my work so deeply; makes it all worth it. Stay sparkly darling ✨✨✨✨
My dear Z, Thank you so much for this BEAUTIFUL response ! It means a lot to me to know that you feel recognized in your work because believe me your work is really good and you're an AMAZING person who deserves all the success in the world. I am lucky to know you and grateful because I know I can talk to know and not freak about being judged or anything like that. And trust me it is very difficult for me because I'm always nervous about being too much and the way I give myself to the world and to people in general. But you always have the right words for me and you always understand what other people go through. So yes I am glad we got to connect in this lifetime.
Zara, I hope you are having a lovely time in the desert ! I want to tell you that I am being strong right now and putting my head up high because of the last time we talked. You have no idea how much that conversation has helped me. How much positive influence you have in my life. I am struggling like hell fighting against my own programming. I did something totally opposite from what I am used to do. Instead of begging for crumbs I am totally ignoring people who are not willing to reciprocate and focusing in myself. I am not going to be the only one fighting to save a relationship. It is insanely difficult but I am not giving up on myself. I will choose myself no matter the amount of pain. Now I understand that these kind of relationships happen for a reason : healing. And I wanted to let you know that if today I am actually taking the time to look at myself in the mirror, look at my scars, cry and not begging anyone to stay in my life it's mainly because of your support and your work because you help others to actually face the struggle and be AUTHENTIC 100%. I have decided I am doing some cleaning in my closet and throwing all the stuff taking place in my heart and not allowing me to move forward.
I am choosing to PROTECT MY SPARKLE above all else.
So Z, your support has meant a lot. For real. Thank you for being there for me ! I hope these words go directly to your heart and that it makes your day better. I hope it gives you the motivation and energy to keep doing what you love the most which is connect with other people and I hope that your new book is the most amazing piece of art you've ever created ! I can't wait to read it and I know it will be incredible because you are pouring your soul into this new book and have been through so much that it will touch so many people all over the world and that's the whole point !
Enjoy your stay in the desert and come back completely recharged ! Hugs ❤️
This is only the second piece of yours I've read and it's just as fucking brilliant (and emotionally roller-coastery) as the first. You're an absolutely epic storyteller.
The love you and Blake share is something I feel so moved by. It's how people describe my sister and I, and now I finally understand what people mean when they enviously describe our relationship. I'll squeeze her a little tighter tomorrow because of you.
If you do see a jackrabbit this time, you know who sent it. 🙏🏼✨
Thank you for such a beautiful comment! Means SO much to me ❤️ I love the term “emotional roller-coastery” ❤️ THANK YOU FOR READING MY WORDS and I love to hear about other connected brother/sisters. We are the luckiest
This is really beautiful, Zara. As someone who knows the humbling, haunting, healing power of the desert, I understand exactly why you're going there (but for me it's either the AZ or NM desert).
Write your brother back to life, he sounds like someone I'd really have liked to have known. The world need more like him and the cruelty of his loss, especially for you is palpable.
Becomes inspired, go a little crazy and heal.
I know that you've been beaten up in so many ways over the last few months — but it really do miss you reading your pieces aloud...
Once I’m back I’m definitely going to be recording my pieces again! On better equipment too ❤️ thank you so much for reading and responding means so much! I’m really want to try to NM desert—any recommendations?!
Most of my experiences in the NM desert have been around Natives. Visits with my father (who wrote a ton of books about the subject) master potters in Pueblos, solo (and sometimes with a my ex wife or a girlfriend) out into Navajo country to just be blown away by the space and alien nature of what surrounds me. I’ve been fortunate enough to be invited to both Pueblo and Navajo ceremonies and they are an amazing experience, from the high costume and pageantry of a Kachina Ceremonial at Hopi or Zuni to the Navajo ranchers in their jeans and boots, feeding all comers with mutton that they raise while a singer makes a sand painting (while singing the whole time) that it of incredible beauty that will be swept away when it’s done.
Ghost stories by campfires about Navajo Witches/Skinwalkers (never told by Navajos because to them the words have power and telling those stories could actually draw the monsters to them).
Seeing opera in Santa Fe at the incredible open air opera house as the bats fly through and you can see forever beyond the stage…
The Southwestern AZ/NM desert is an impossible place to give recommendations for because it’s just mind-blowing in general.
In Arizona, there are great opportunities to see prehistoric Cliff Dwellings, Anazazi (which is a grab bag and literally in Navajo for “Enemy Ancestors), Hohokam, Mogollon and Mimbres (the really creepy ones) were all contemporaries of each other and each group held sway in different regions. Near Sedona there is Moctezuma’s Well/Cistern, a good sized cliff dwelling compound that you could actually go into and walk through the last time I was there. There are others. The town on Jerome, to the west of Sedona is pretty amazing, it’s an intact silver boom victorian town clinging to the side of Mingus Mountain that was found by hippies in the 1960s, restored and is now full of galleries, cafés, etc. It’s beautiful and worth a drive out there.
In NM, Bandolier is an incredible site that allows you to walk through the later remains of early puebloan culture as well as get very close to the actually cliff city itself — there is also a hiking trail (with cable/rails for safety) that allows you to climb to the Great Kiva at Bandolier. The view is incredible and, I would never do this but there is a ladder into the Kiva itself.
If you really want to immerse yourself, make a reservation with the Navajo Nation and drive out (with a capable 4WD vehicle) to Chaco Canyon. It contains ruins but the canyon itself is mind-blowing and beautiful, you’ve seen tons of photos from Chaco and you should definitely go there and get some for your self!
Wow. Just wow. That sounds absolutely unbelievable and I can’t thank you enough for these recommendations and sharing of experiences. I will probably be reaching out again and I’m absolutely even more LIT UP to continue exploring the desert!
The desert is magical, al least the American Desert which is the only one I’ve been able to explore…